A friend of mine is a used car salesman named Sammy. (Honest! And don’t be prejudiced. They’re people too.) And Sammy’s a nice guy. Anyway, he told me, after the pitch to the customer, no self respecting car salesman would ask, “Well, do you want to buy it?” Instead, he places a pen in the prospect’s hand (between their thumb and forefinger, with the point facing down, of course, to make it easier to sign the contract,) and nonchalantly drawls, “Will you be taking the blue one or the green one?” “By saying it that way, he says he closes lots more sales.

Similar wisdom pertains if you want someone to accept your social or business invitation. If you ask Ms. Big Shot “Are you free for lunch Wednesday?” it is a breeze for her to say, “Sorry, busy Wednesday.” However, if you cheerfully inquire, “What day might you be free for lunch in the next two weeks?” Ms. B.S. would have to be a sharp fibber to wriggle out of that one. Even better, tell her, “I’d like to have lunch with you sometime. Give me a few dates you might be free.” Now that’s confidence speaking! (Between the lines, you are saying, “Of course you want to have lunch with me. I am merely giving you a choice of when.”)

Incidentally, gentlemen, when asking for a date, the tired old “How about Saturday night?” riff practically begs rejection. Try, “I want to check out the new El Romantico Restaurant. WHAT night are you free to come with me?” It’s tough for a nice lady to say “Never!” She knows a guy’s sensitive ego translates that into “I despise you, I can’t stand to breathe the same air as you, and I never want your mug reflected in my eyeballs again.” Bottom line: Don’t ask IF they’re free, ask WHEN!