January 16th, 2015 | Author: Leil Lowndes

Ouch, some people just don't "get it." Get what? Get the fact that EVERYTHING they say has three impacts on the listener. And the third is the most common one that decides if people like or dislike them.

The first is what you say. The second is how you say it. (But you already knew that.) The third one we don't often think of is how your words impact the LISTENERS EGO.  Even if what you say has absolutely nothing to do directly with the listener, he/she senses an insinuation.

A small example: At lunchtime yesterday I was in a Blimpie restaurant. That's where they sell those full-of-junk calories but delicious foot-long sandwiches.

Two servers were behind the counter. A pleasant young girl was carefully placing the salami, cheese, and trimmings while her colleague was pulling bread out of the case for the sandwich. I overheard him telling her “Yeah, I went for that job interview yesterday and got it.” Then he laughed, “I sure won’t be around here much longer slinging this shit.”

Aargh, how do you think that made her feel about her good job that, in this this economy, was quite lucky to have? Consciously or not, his words are made her feel like the stuff he said she was slinging. What he said was CrappyCommunicating. An example of CoolCommunicating would be, “I’m really going to miss you here, but . . ."

Of course he didn’t mean to demean her but it was thoughtless. We must extra careful about what our words insinuate about the listener. If the young girl liked her colleague before, she certainly liked him a little less now!

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