Author Archives: leil

Believe it or not, you can make your "hello" pack a bigger positive wallop by just changing the accented syllable. Usually we say "HEL-low." But switch it to "hel-LOW" and now it sounds like you are extra pleased to see the person. Or, in certain cases, accompanied by flirtatious body language, your "hello" becomes real sexy.

Don't start any conversation with those words. Even if you are sincere, when they hear, "Please don't take this the wrong way," that's precisely what they will do!

Whenever checking out at the drugstore, the supermarket or department store, I often hear the salesperson saying “Have a nice day.” I look up to smile at her/him—and the cashier isn’t even looking at me! It gives me the opposite of the “warm and fuzzies.” I’m thinking that this person is “flat and cold,” and, well, not too smart. Whenever you wish someone a nice day, make sure you’re looking into the eyes of the recipient of your sentiment–then let your eyes linger a second longer.

Here’s a lovely way—just by tweaking a few common phrases– to make friends, colleagues and even strangers have a warmer reaction to you.  I call it: “The YOU for THAT Substitution.”  Here’s how it works:

When complimenting something someone said or did, substitute the word YOU for THAT. Here are a few examples:

Instead of saying “That’s a good question,” say  “YOU have asked a good question.”

Instead of, “That’s a great idea,” say “YOU have a great idea.”

Instead of “That’s an excellent suggestion,” try “YOU have made an excellent suggestion.”

Instead of, “That’s a fabulous blouse,” substitute “YOU look fabulous in that blouse.”

After someone tells a joke, instead of “That is so funny,” you can even say “YOU are so funny” (just make sure they understand it’s a compliment!)

Why is that three letter little word, “you” so powerful? Well, I’m sure you’ve heard that hearing one’s own name is the sweetest sound in the English language. Hearing YOU, in a positive context, comes in second.

And if you want a double whammie, use both. Include his or her name before the word “YOU.” 

Everyone knows there are real smiles and fake ones. And unfortunately practically everyone can sense when they are the recipient of the latter.  (As cynical as it sounds, whether for political, social or benevolent reasons, we cannot deny that giving a genuine smile is a crucial skill in today’s complicated society.)

So can you fake a real smile? Sure, if you’re expert at activating your orbicularis oculi muscle (more commonly known as crinkling your eyes) at the same time you are smiling. The problem is that more people can wiggle their ears than accomplish that formidable feat. So you need a work-around to make the recipient perceive your smile as genuine. Here it is.

When smiling at someone, let your eyes linger on his or hers at least 3 seconds longer while saying to yourself silently, “You are really special and I like you.” You must keep eye contact for the duration of this silent phrase which, if you are not fond of the recipient, can feel like a decade.

Your elongated eye contact and warm expression resulting from self talk about your affection is a powerful substitute for not being able to accomplish the Herculean task of voluntarily crinkling your eyes as you smile. 

Ladies, if you are sitting on a couch next to a man you like, be sure to cross your legs toward him. It subliminally signals your feeling of attraction. The opposite is also true. If you don't welcome his attention, cross them the other way.

When arguing a point, avoid using the words ALWAYS and NEVER. The person you are arguing with is bound to find at least one exception. Therefore he/she can prove you wrong.

Every woman loves hearing her man say "You are beautiful both inside and out." However, "You are handsome" is not a male's fave. He'd prefer to hear "You are right."  Go figure.

My regular readers know that I’m a big “fake it ‘till you make it” advocate, especially when it comes to exuding confidence. It makes sense because your mind and body strive to agree. (You Neuroscience buffs know it as “cognitive consistency.”) So if your mind tells you that you’re anxious, your body acts accordingly. Happily the reverse is also true. When your body constantly ACTS confident, real self-assurance follows. Here are a few tips.

1.  When entering a superior's office, don't hover by the door. The closer you come to his/her desk, the more confidence you display.

2.  When going through a large door or open double doors, don't walk on one side. Stride straight through the middle.

3.  Be the last to break eye contact when passing someone in the hall. 

4.  Here’s one of my favorites. When you agree with someone, nod your head UP from neutral (jaw parallel to the floor), Nodding down from parallel looks more subservient.

5.  Entering a party or gathering, head for the dead center of the room. That's where self-assured people instinctively gravitate.

6.  In a social living room gathering, choose the highest chair. If it's a business meeting, though, don't sit higher than the boss!

7.  At a table meeting, go for the chair directly to the right of the most important person at the meeting.

8.  Confident people's bodies occupy more space. Insecure people’s take as little space as possible as if to say, "Excuse me for taking up this much of the earth." So make larger gestures. Men can put one arm up on the back of the sofa or seat.

9.  Gentlemen, to look like a leader, swing your arms more significantly when you walk. And ladies, square your body toward the person you're talking to. And beware of smiling TOO much.

10.  And, of course, need I even mention posture? Think of slumping as the “Beat me again, Master” position and stand tall.

If you see someone photographing their partner in a scenic area, offer to take a picture of of both of them. together. You'll love their smiles.