Author Archives: leil

Oops, did you know that something as touching your face while speaking can signal that you're not being honest? Keep them away–especially from your mouth. It subconsciously signals that you know you shouldn't be saying what you're saying.

That sounds like a pretty lame topic, right? But, hold on, there are some subtleties you might want to consider. By employing a few of the following little tips, you show the person you're strolling with that you like and respect him or her. (You can also observe their walk to get a sense how they feel about you!)

1.    Move anything you’re carrying (like a purse or briefcase) to your other side. Any “barrier” between you is instinctively a shield.

2.    Walk in step. People who are of a like mind tend to mirror each other’s body language.

3.    Consciously turn your head toward her/him more often than you ordinarily would.

4.    Let your strolling partner decide the pace. She’s a fast walker? Speed up. A leisurely walker? Slow down.

5.    Shrink the distance between you. When people argue, they walk almost an arm’s length apart. Close friends walk much closer–so choose an appropriately friendly distance. Women, you can occasionally let your arm come fleetingly in touch with his or hers.

"But what if I don't want to be friends with this person," you ask. Well, just do the opposite of everything you just read!

Here's a great way to handle it when you've called someone by the wrong name. Today an acquaintance called me "Kate." Instead of the usual fluster, she simply smilingly said "Oh, I'm so sorry. I once had a best friend named Kate. That made me feel she had warm feelings for me. True or not, it felt nice!

Ladies, whenever you're walking side-by-side with someone, (especially a man!)  move your purse to the other side. It's more friendly. Any object between you is something of a barrier.  Of course if you're trying to cut someone off (a guy?), carry your purse between you. The bigger the bag, the bigger the cutoff.

I'd like to say something about a word we use every day, lots of times. It's "BUT.” Practically any warm sentiment you've expressed before the "but" is forgotten.

For example, suppose she asks for your help, and you respond: “I’d really like help you but I haven’t finished my work.

Or he asks you for a date and you respond: “I’d love to but I have a previous engagement.”

All they hear is the negative part. Your sincere “liking to,” or “loving to” gets buried in their disappointment.

So how do you get around it and make sure they hear the friendly part?

Simply make it two sentences. Express your warm sentiment in the first. (Be sure to pause for a moment to make sure that sinks in.)  Then explain why you can’t do what they want in the second. Add the substitute word, “however,” at the end.

See how deleting the “but” makes it softer:

     I’d really like to help you. (Pause.) I haven’t finished my work, however.

     I’d love to. (Pause) I have a previous engagement, however.

Sure, they’ll still be disappointed. However, wording your refusal without the "but" helps preserve the relationship.

Yesterday six of us were having lunch. While the rest of us were talking, one woman pulled out her phone and started texting someone. It was subtle, but I noticed that hardly anyone at the table had much eye contact with her afterward. They subconsciously figured she wasn't interested in conversing with them. 

When someone hears "Are you open to some constructive criticism," he/she thinks, "Oh oh, here comes some blame, reproach, denigration." Constructive, ha!" Don't use that phrase if you want to keep his/her friendship or good will.

Here’s a fab little email trick which is used way too seldom.  People who juggle a mammoth amount of email daily (like almost 100% of us) could save tons of time . . . and create good will with the recipient.

In Internet jargon, EOM stands for “End of Message.” If you put it at the end of your subject line, the recipient doesn’t even have to open your email. They get the point (and appreciate not having to open it.) It’s a super time-saver when you just want to say thanks, confirm an appointment, or let the sender know you got the message. I usually put it between stars like this: *EOM*

Here are some common things you can say in your subject line.

Thanks  *EOM*

Confirmed  *EOM*

Totally agree  *EOM*

Good job!  *EOM*

        So, if I could write a personal email to you, here's my subject line.

Thanks for reading my little tips!  *EOM*   

I know, you’ve heard it over and over and over again ad nauseum. We all have: “You never have a second chance to make a good first impression.”
True, but WHOA! The first impression people get of you every morning counts big time too. Their initial vision of you walking in the office door sticks with them all day long.
Here’s how to give your image a big boost. Even if you’re running, sweating, and papers are flying out of your bag as you sprint to work, before entering the office, come to a screeching HALT. Before walking through the door, take a deep breath, wipe your face, comb your hair, (ladies, check your makeup,) smooth your clothes, stand tall and throw your shoulders back.
Then gracefully glide in with a smile and a cheery “Good morning.” Your impressive image lingers and gives you a leg up to tackle whatever #@%& happens with them later in the day

‘Natch, whenever we settle into a couch or chair in our home or office to have a chat, we instinctively shift our bodies into a comfy position. It’s a no brainer. But here’s where a bit of a brainer should come in. Look to see if your visitor is comfy too. Is there light coming in through the venetian blinds which could hurt her eyes. Is the couch too deep and would she feel more relaxed with a pillow behind her back? And, remember women, if you’re talking with a male, he’ll probably be more comfortable facing the door!