Author Archives: leil

How to Get the Best Service on the Phone



AND, WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, MAKE SOMEONE'S DAY.

When talking to customer service, call centers, tech support, secretaries or sales reps on the phone, you’re at their mercy on what they'll do for you–and how fast. Here are tiny tips for getting the best, speediest and most pleasant service he/she has to give.  

First thing, give YOUR name. That personalizes it and, who knows, she may think you’re a VIP whose name she’s supposed to know.When he barks, "Please hold," don't just grumble “okay.” Say "Of course, take your time." (He'll be shocked and want to come back much sooner!)

If you're a little slow giving information she needs, say, "You must have tremendous patience to do this job." (She appreciates the rare compliment and now wants to help you all the more.)

Ask his name so he feels responsible. Be sure to preface your request with "You’re great. May I ask your name?” to assuage paranoia about being reported. And, now that you know his name, he's more anxious to solve your problem. His job—and a good employee's pride–often depends on it. End your conversation with, "Great service!" Or "Thanks for your excellent help." Now you've made his/her day in a tough often thankless job.





Don’t Even Mention New Year’s Resolutions!



I don’t want to sound like a New Year’s Grinch (I love the holiday) but please don’t ask your friends about their New Year’s resolutions. It's invasive and forces people to confess something negative about themselves. Why? Because people usually resolve to stop bad habits—and who wants to tell you theirs? Nobody wants to bring to your attention that they’re overweight, that they drink too much, watch too much TV, waste scads of time on Facebook, or don’t floss. Asking someone their resolutions is like inquiring, “What terrible things have you been doing that you want to stop—and haven’t been able to so far?”

Or it’s submitting them to an inquisition: “What good things do you feel you should be doing that so far you’ve been a total failure at?” 

If you’re unfortunate enough that someone asks YOU the question, here’s a good way to wriggle out of it. Smile and tell them, “Every year I make a resolution to change myself . . . This year I’m making a resolution to be myself!” Happy New Year!





How to Wish Friends “Happy Holidays” in a More Sincere Way



The holidays are here and, whether you are happy or hassled (probably a bit of both) you’ve heard “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Holidays" dozens of times so far—and it's not over yet! The sentiment is lovely, but any phrase you repeat too often loses sincerity and punch.

Starting right now, find other sincere ways to express your good wishes to friends. Something as simple as expanding it to "I HOPE YOU HAVE A wonderful Christmas" or "I WISH YOU joyous holidays" works. For some, "Have a cool Christmas" is fun. (Awesome??? Nah.)

Many of us have Spanish friends. They'll love hearing "Feliz Navidad" from your lips. Or say it in your friends' other languages. Just pronounce it right! Here's a helpful YouTube video on how to pronounce "Merry Christmas” in 16 languages: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hrsslV5hco

Of course you want to be respectful of cultures which don't celebrate Christmas. You needn’t go so far as saying "Happy Christmahanukwanzakah" or “Have a happy non-denomination winter solstice.”  Choose a greeting appropriate for his/her culture but just change a few words to make it sound special for your friend.

And from me to you, I wish you a wonderful next few days—and rest of your life. 





How to Survive Thanksgiving and Save Everyone at the Table



Thanksgiving dinner is often a time when you see your relatives once a year (Some think that’s once too much–and there’s a reason for that which I’ll get into shortly.)

Hosts all over the country laboriously contemplate every facet of the great Thanksgiving feast. They painstakingly plan every detail from the turkey to the pumpkin pie. But, tragically, most don't consider the ONE element that often turns the holiday from delightful to dreadful. The dinner CONVERSATION.

Some people assume Thanksgiving dinner is the time to talk about “important" family stuff. They grill the kids on their grades, ask about their brother-in-law’s unsuccessful job search, or query grandma about her end-of-life wishes. Except for families who have stuffed their turkey with Prozac, conversation–especially after a couple of glasses of wine–can get pretty unpleasant or at least boring.

Here’s where YOU come in! Even if you’re not hosting the festivities (lucky you,) you have the ability to assure the day’s success. How? By thinking ahead of time what each person at the table would most enjoy talking about. Then find a way to casually ask him/her about that.

If things start to go downhill, take charge! You can save the day by suggesting each person around the table tell everyone one thing they have to be thankful for. (If I were at your table, I'd tell you about my gratitude for all my wonderful readers.) 

I pray you have a joyful Thanksgiving. And do give some thought to helping make it a delight for all by keeping the conversation upbeat.





How to Sound Like a Lawyer and Win Arguments



Attorneys may not be the most beloved group of individuals. But good ones who have warm eye contact, effective body language—and just a touch of legaleze to show they know their stuff—win cases. Why not pick up some tips from them? Consider the following phrases. Be careful, though, to say them with the appropriate degree of friendliness. Otherwise you can come across as snarky. 

Everyone knows "I'LL TAKE THE FIFTH AMENDMENT." That's too cliche, but here are more goodies.

When someone starts bombarding you with questions, ask, "IS THIS A DEPOSITION?"

Oops, if you just said something that isn’t entirely true, here’s an effective way to take it back and not lose too much face: "I’D LIKE TO REDACT THAT."

A good, if slightly hostile, retort if someone objects to what you are saying is YOUR OBJECTION IS PRESERVED FOR THE RECORD. Then quickly continue with what you were saying.

Similarly, if you object to something he/she says and the speaker argues back, state, "I PRESERVE MY OBJECTION FOR THE RECORD."

If an individual makes a bad suggestion rudely, don’t argue it then and there. Simply nod and say "I’LL CONSIDER THE MOTION." Then quickly continue with your point.

The above phrases can work for almost anybody. Example: Let’s say you’re a kid and your big sister tells you to go cut the grass—but you know it’s her turn. Tell her "I’D LIKE TO APPEAL THAT." In legalese, that means “applying to a higher court for a reversal of the decision.” In this case, you mean you'll take it to Mommy.





Should I Hug or Not Hug?



When saying hello or goodbye to a friend/acquaintance, should you give them a hug?  That question has become something of a national dilemma.

The Western world seems to fall into two categories concerning this confounding matter – the “Hug lovers” and the “Hug Haters.” I wish I could tell you who is right. All I can do is give you one important tidbit of hugging advice. If you’re going to hug someone, DON’T START PATTING THEIR BACK part way through. And if he or she starts patting yours mid-hug, abort the hug. Simply smile and gracefully separate your bodies.

“Why?” you rightfully ask. Because back patting during a hug subliminally signals, “This hug is lasting a little too long for my taste.”

BTW, don’t worry, if your huggee starts patting yours first, it doesn’t mean he/she doesn’t like you. It just indicates discomfort with the hug. Many males feel that way when another man gives them a friendly hug—so they instantly start patting each other’s back.

In short, when you’re hugging someone, don’t let your hands become flippers on their back. And if they start patting first, it means “OK, times up! Let’s end this hug thing NOW. So do it!





Deepen Friendships Without Saying a Word



We like people who like us. (It means they have good taste, right?)  So, it only stands to reason, to encourage someone to like you professionally or socially, find ways to demonstrate you like them. No, we’re not talking compliments. Those are old-school, obsequious and way too obvious. Besides, 90% of our communicating is body language. Let’s start at the top:

Your eyebrows are more truthful than your smile—which is easier to fake. The first indication you like someone is, upon first spotting him/her, give “the eyebrow bounce.” That’s a quicker-than-lightening grasshopper-leap up of both eyebrows which tells them, “I’m happy to see you.”

#2  Even while he/she’s talking, occasionally lift your eyebrows ever-so-slightly higher than normal. Men, nodding your head almost imperceptibly is powerful. A woman can cock her head slightly to one side to show she’s really listening.  

3#  Keep your hands and arms open wider than your body. No umpire-like crossed arms here. It spells rejection. Or worse, speaking football, “a delay-of-game foul.”

#4  Lean slightly toward him/her. You can even stand a tad closer. (Be cautious with this one, though. You don’t want any sexual misinterpretation.)

#5  If sitting side-by-side, cross your legs (or slightly turn your knees) toward him/her.

#6  When speaking, use animated hand gestures which subconsciously signal “You are important to me and I want to be sure I'm expressing myself clearly with you.”

These tips may sound obvious to you. In fact, I hope so because they are to sensitive people. The problem is that even they don’t often use them consciously. The “Little Trick” is to do just that!





How to Connect with Someone in a Group



Watch out, the following “Little Trick,” if done incorrectly, can make you look creepy. But, if you execute it smoothly when the situation is right, you win the affection and respect of someone you want to impress. You can use it with a stranger in a group or someone you know.

Let’s say you’re chatting with several people.  Your eyes are usually on the person who is speaking, right? Your gaze bounces back and forth between whoever is speaking as if you’re watching a tennis game.

But if you want to establish a tighter relationship with one of the people in the group, scramble things up a bit. Let’s say you wish to win the heart and mind of person A.  Keep your eyes on him/her even while someone else in the group is speaking. This indicates you are interested in Person A’s reaction to what is being said. It suggests that you respect Person A and you want to find out more about him/her.

Be careful, though, because in certain situations this technique can make you seem judgmental or hint that you feel superior. However, if you give Person A a slight smile or nod to express your pleasure at their reaction, it’s a powerful relationship booster. 





How to Come Out Smelling Like a Rose When Somebody Accuses You of Something



Here’s a great way to deflect verbal accusations. Even if you’re guilty, it will leave your accuser speechless—and impressed with you!

Upon hearing the accusation, most people immediately jump in with an anxious and defensive “BUT . . .” followed by a breathless excuse.

Whoa. Instead, listen calmly and patiently to their full accusation with an ever-so-slight smile on your face. In fact, nod as they are talking. If it's true, take a pause and say, “You’re absolutely right. I did . . .” (then repeat the accusation VER BATIM.) Follow with, “And I’m glad you brought that up because it gives me the opportunity to explain why . . .” Then, AND ONLY THEN, give the excuse for your actions.

But, hmm, what if you don’t have a good excuse and you’re totally guilty? Not to worry, there is still a way to come out smelling like a rose. Start with the “You’re absolutely right, and I’m so glad you brought that up” bit.  This time, however, continue with something like, “I realize my action wasn’t right. But thank-you for the opportunity to explain my thinking at the time.” It avoids arguments because your accuser has nothing left to say. You’ve admitted your guilt and fed their ego by telling them they’re absolutely right. Best of all, they respect you for being so forthright.





How to Make Your “Thank-you” Really Count



  When someone gives you a gift, of course you say "thank -you." However, those words are so common they are simply ambient noise. The bottom line is that the giver expects your thanks, and therefore it is nothing out of the ordinary. However, if you really want to thrill someone with your gratitude, use the following Little Trick which I call "Thanks Is More Beautiful the Second Time Around."

One year, I gave my friend, Salina, an inexpensive little music box. She sent me a thank-you note which I appreciated (and naturally, expected.) I thought that was the end of it. But then, a few months later, I received an e-mail from her saying, "Leil, I can't tell you how much pleasure your music box continues to give the whole family. Instead of grumbling and diving back under the covers when I shout 'Time to get up!' the kids beg me to wake them to the sound of the beautiful music box you gave me. I wind it up and tip toe into their room every morning. They wake up smiling, even before they've had their breakfast!"

Her message gave me more pleasure than the little music box could ever have given her. She made me feel like the Goddess of Gift Giving.

You've heard of knee-jerk reactions? The doctor hits your knee with a hammer and your leg jerks. It's an involuntary response. Saying "thank-you" when someone gives you a gift is almost just as automatic. But when you thank her again–weeks or months later–with all the reasons it continues to give you pleasure, you are giving an even more valuable gift, the pride that she chose just the right present for you.

Whenever you thank someone for a gift, make a note to ponder the pleasure the present still gives you a month later. Then send a second thank-you detailing how much you are continuing to enjoy it and why. They will find this second little thank-you more precious than the first one.

And, incidentally, you’ll be added to their “Extraordinary People" list.